It's ghastly - but I got my life back.
It's been five years since I 'inherited' her. Five years that would have been utterly 'gone' had I had to look after her myself. OK, now for practical things. Firstly, what is the state of mind of your parents - is dementia in the frame, and if so, which, or both, etc etc. WHY do they need you to 'do everythign' for them?
They may want you to live with them and look after them and 'see them out' how old are they by the way? You mention you have no savings left. This is unacceptable. If you are providing care, THEY pay you - not the other way round! Even if it's not 'formal payment' they pay for everything, and you pay for nothing. Care homes cost over a hundred pounds a DAY.
Live in professional carers cost even more! How appreciative are they of you?
Are they grateful and kind and loving and know what you are giving up for them? Or are they taking you for granted? What is their financial situation? Do they own their own house, or rent? Do they have savings? What income?
Further limiting this option is the fact that some programs allow for consumer direction, but disallow family members. Unless he or she is an extraordinarily loving and mature person, your parent is bound to at least once try to push your buttons, if only to establish their erstwhile dominance over you. Remember me. Just as important, you will want to have a life to return to, filled with people you love, activities that interest you, and the good health to enjoy them. This job may also help you to become more aware of how prepared you need to be when the time comes for your own children to take care of you. Elderly Insomnia Learn why insomnia is a serious problem for seniors, and how to treat and prevent it.
The reason I'm asking is that the answers will determine what help they may be entitled too - eg, care workers coming in. Is it because they don't want to spend their money on cleaners, carers, etc? Or do they not want 'strangers' looking after them?
Both are all too common on this forum! You DO have to be blunt about that. Even without dementia, the old can get very very 'self-focussed' - they like having a 'daughter at home' or son! They can become, in the end, like 'elderly toddlers' and just want you, you, you So, tell us a little more, and we can start to point you to what is out there eg, needs assessement, carers assessement etc and how best to arm yourself 'psychologically' to start the weaning process.
As you are saying, you CAN'T go on like this - you've hit a wall, and enough is enough! How much 'time off' do you get each and every day?
When did you last have a holiday? Hi Judith What exactly is wrong with your parents? Is it mainly physical problems or do we have dementia to deal with as well or the start of it? Jenny's advice is good. I can relate to a lot of your post as I am your age but caring for my 79 old husband. I too am living 'his life'. Thankfully he now wears headphones but quiz show Golden Balls at 5AM is quite hard to cope with. Elizabeth Kiyasu, watching our parents lose their independence is one of the most challenging realities we face as our parents age.
Even if we rarely doubt ourselves when making decisions for our own children, making decisions while caring for elderly parents remains inherently ambiguous. But trying to predict those desires can be really tough. Learning about those desires requires candid conversations about choices to be made.
The sooner those conversations occur, the more prepared the entire family will be. A living will follows a standard format that often complicates the actual situation.
Advanced directives presents a list of guidelines for a variety of circumstances. It turns out the children, who all worked, viewed the appointments as a form of daycare for their father, while also improving and prolonging his life.
And because Linda was never close to her mother, her situation has been especially challenging. Linda understands and accepts this burden.
Something to remember is that caring for elderly parents shouldn't be a burden or responsibility to bear alone. Learn a few tips on how to care for seniors. Time can get away from us sometimes with our day-to-day activities. Read more about how to care for aging parents in today's busy society.
She perseveres, visits her mother often and tries to maintain a positive outlook. She likes having dinner with her mother on Sundays, because they sit with a group of other women, women whose company she has come to enjoy. Caring for elderly parents is never easy, though she knows that it must be done.
The doctors tell her that with therapy she would be able to walk again but she just wants to get up and walk immediately or not walk at all.
Linda continues to confront her challenges and to advise others how to do so. Now it was time to follow our own advice. We did so. The caregiver may have some training or experience but any new person is not going to know your aging parent.
You need to give them an idea about what is needed and put things in writing. A competent caregiver will stay in communication with the elder's adult children and follow their instructions. The aging parent's wishes are always elicited and respected as long as they are not harmful. For Alice, the formerly very active year-old, one goal is to fight that depression. We had her doctor evaluate her and she got a low dose of anti-depressant medication. That does help but it takes more than a pill to do the job of coping with depression. Next, we wrote out for the caregiver the safety concerns we had.
These included making sure she could see the labels correctly on her pill bottles many so she could pour her medications into the dispenser she uses. Other safety measures included standby assistance with her showering and helping with laundry. The caregiver is a gentleman who not only watches over her well, he provides good companionship. Outings are part of the care plan.
Fortunately, Alice can afford to go places and do things, so we set that up. The caregiver takes her to a nearby lake to feed the ducks, to the grocery store, to the beach and daily for a walk with her walker.